I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
