It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
