my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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