I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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