Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
