Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize