just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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