Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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