it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
bring money and cleavage
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
