Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
