I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
