At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
