Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
