Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
