It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
