Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize