I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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