So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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