does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize