how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
