Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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