Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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