"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
