I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
