im gay
i know
yea but for you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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