After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
