also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
