You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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