Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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