i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is Oprah even human
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize