i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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