I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
