i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
