i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
