I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
