Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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