Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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