I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
