My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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