I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I pour the whiskey from now on
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
