did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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