What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
