you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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