Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
