so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
