the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize