im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
