these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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