What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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