you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
BRING THE BAGELS
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
