I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
