just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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