dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
3pm strippers are depressing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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