All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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