why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
