You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
