Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
