Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
