Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
