Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Randomize
