He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
