a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
