Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
