fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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