We're facebook friends in real life
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
