I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
