NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
