Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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