I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize