im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
