I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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