Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
