my sisters under your porch take her home
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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