Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
