Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
