community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
