then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
