I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
