i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize