I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
