First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
