if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
