dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
