Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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