I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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