If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
