It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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