i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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