my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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