paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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