I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
