I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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