Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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