it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize