I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
