the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
