and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
