Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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