At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize