toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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