Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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