Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
