i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize