you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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